Disillusioned Immigrant

I got this email last week about something Theodore Roosevelt said (i looked it up and he did say this):"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American…There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag… We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language … and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people." My response to this is: In a country that prides itself with the First Amendment, prides itself with free speech, prides itself with being able to do what they want, when they want, you expect assimilation? I don't understand. It's ok to have heritage, to remember where you came from, but it's not ok to be different? Isn't that an oxymoron? It's ok to remember traditions your great grandmother had and the culture, but it's not ok to keep the culture I have? I grew up in many different countries and picked up a few things. For one, we always take our shoes off as soon as we get home. No shoes in the house. I lived in Asia for 11 years of my first 18 years of life. That's something that it still true in my house today, no shoes in the house. I do agree that if you plan on living in a country for a long term period, you should try to learn the language but it's not as easy as people think. But if people are like my family was, moving every 2 years, there is no way we could fully learn a language in that time. I knew how to say certain things to get by. "How much is this" "where is …" and I'd understand the response. I never expected people to speak to me in English or in my native language. I'm in their country. I've been in the US for over 7 years now and the longer I stay here, the more I am disillusioned. We are in a free country, in a country with freedom of speech…as long as it's English. We are free to have our own ideas….as long as it conforms to the "norm" and idealistic "America". America is a melting pot, that's how it all began. People from different cultures, countries coming and living in the same place. It's what makes the US unique and fascinating. But in reality, it's filled with people who despite what they say have forgotten where they come from and will not allow others to hold on and not forget. I'm sorry you have forgotten where you are from, I haven't. I'm a proud immigrant. I am proud of where I am from and proud to be in the US. At least I used to be. I used to think that the US was very accepting of others when in fact they are not. I have been cussed at, had nasty notes on my door, had my door egged because I am not from here. I will not stop speaking my language. I will however not expect people to speak it. My siblings and I are bilingual. When we are around people who don't understand our native language and we are talking TO them, in a group, then we will speak only english but don't expect me to speak english all the time because I live in an english speaking country. If I am having a conversation with my brother and sister, just the 3 of us, don't expect us to speak english. We are talking to each other, not anyone else and I don't see why we should be speaking in english just to make everyone else feel better. We're not talking to you or about you.

I live!

I’m alive. I’ve been working a lot and things in real life.

It’s been real busy and I’m tired too but trying to take it easy and juggle everything.

 I went for my yearly “spread my legs” exam today. It was fun? Right. I like my doctor which really helps. He wants me to get pregnant again. He gave me THE pill to take whenever I start up again and take it for 4 months and then stop and try to get pregnant. He said everything looked real good and that it’s probably a timing issue. We had a good heart to heart about doing the deed and things. I can’t believe I spilled my sex life to my doctor. But it is my OB and he told us what we needed to do but who wants to do it every other day? Man, i’m too busy and tired to do that! But all it takes is doing that once hopefully. Sad isn’t it? Before kiddo, it didn’t matter what time of the day or night. We never wondered if kiddo was awake or might wake up or checked if the door was locked.

We have also adopted a cat from the humane society. I can’t wait to bring him home. He has the sniffles and we don’t want out cat to get it. He is cute. We’ll see how my little cat does when we bring him home. He is declawed in the front though and mine isn’t so my cat better behave. He is 5 years old. We have been every day to see him except today. We’ll go back tomorrow and check on him.

 

 

Books…books…what? Books?

So here I am, Sunday morning 3:30am. Whoa. I should go to bed.  I’ve been emptying boxes. No, I haven’t moved. Nope, haven’t received anything…yup, boxes from where I moved 14 months ago!

I bought one of those cheap 5 shelf book things at walmart and I so totally need another one. That’s going to be the 3rd bookshelf I have. I was looking at the books while I was taking them out of boxes and I was wondering where we got some of these. I don’t remember ever seeing them before. My books had babies! That’s the only reasonable explanation.

I also organised my photos. For some reason I could have sworn I had more. I wonder where all my pictures from when I was younger went to. I sure hope they are not in the closet  *sigh*

I bought some new pots and pans. I bought stainless steel ones from Bed, bath and beyond. They are from the Emeril collection. We cooked on them tonight and the chicken never tasted so good. I think that non stick takes some of the taste away. I threw my old ones away. Did you know non-stick was toxic to birds?

I also found a panel for curtains I really liked but it was 40$! I think I need at least 2. I bought one to see. With my luck, when I go back, they won’t have it..lol.

Kiddo was sick again. Kiddo was sleeping for a few hours and then just sat up and started throwing up. Great! Right there on the carpet. I grabbed the kiddo and went to the bathroom….where upon entrance, kiddo spewed more…projectile :(  It was SO gross! But I think kiddo is fine now.

That’s all for now..people are stirring…….shhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Better in a way.

Well after that little episode I’m better. I’ve had a hard week. Kiddo has been sick and I had to miss 3 days of work..no pay and then one night, kiddo wouldn’t/didn’t sleep and cried and whined. Why? I have no clue. Kiddo wasn’t sick, wasn’t anything wrong, just didn’t want to sleep. Of course, by morning, kiddo was tired. I told kiddo that apparently since he/she is old enough to stay up all night, then he/she can deal with the consequences and go to school. I made kiddo walk from the house to the car and from the car to the daycare and boy did I hear whinning. I didn’t sleep at all that night and I was no in the mood.

So it’s been a rough week. My husband is sick too but on the mend, I hope. My friend has pneumonia and I had to spend 4 hours taken her to the dr and drive her around to the store to get a few things, prescription. Another friend came over and I spent 3 hours fixing her computer. My mother in law called and had issues with her computer…anyways, all that explains my last entry.

I do feel down in the dumps though and I could pawn it off on a lot of stuff but it’s because we are broke. It’s worse than broke, it’s in the red, things are bouncing broke. I hate the irs right now. If they had accepted education credits, I’d have money. I called the tax people and they said on the 1st for sure. How confident am i? I’m not sure. I’m hoping though. I need it bad. My bank covers up to a point and we’re at that point. Everything will be fine once we get that money in the bank account and I can pay everything off.

I could have great excuses but I don’t. We got a bonus from work and I tried to pay too much with it a few months back and it’s been a plague ever since. I try so hard to keep track and keep good record but I just don’t have that skill. I have so much to do. I mean I do it all and then you want me to stop to write something down? I’m hoping to do better though.

I feel like a failure. I can’t talk to my husband because he’ll freak. Just need to hold out a few more days and then I can pay off a lot of things. I’m going to pay all the bills and get current, going to pay off a few credit cards or pay them down a lot. These last few months haven’t helped to establish our credit again and it is my fault but sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

The trick to having a credit card is this: charge, go home and pay it. Not the other way around. If you have to pay it off, whatever the minimum payment is, triple it and pay.

I’m not sure why but I have trouble with everything. Is it my depression? Am I lazy? Hubby says I’m not lazy so I don’t know. When kiddo was born, I had huge problems going back to work. I tried and I just couldn’t and this was like 5 months after giving birth. I didn’t go back until kiddo was a year old.

I am just now getting into cooking every night. Last year, I was tired so much and I think partially because of my gallbladder issues, I had huge problems for a year before they diagnosed it. I was tired, felt sick ALL the time. It was so easy to order in or get fast food. Expensive but easy. Then after the surgery, that took time to recoup too.
I’ve been working on my chinese and french cooking. The chinese isn’t turning out as yummy as I would like. Hubby says it’s great but bless his heart, if i burnt it, he would still say that.

I have new game plans though: buy groceries once a week for the big things, meat, veggies etc and only buy drinks throughout the week. That has really helped in cutting down on the cost.
I can’t wait to get my 2 bookcases though too so I can finally empty the boxes in my room that are filled. I hope 2 will be enough. Yes, we have that many books! We have 1 bookcase in the living room already.

Anyways, I’m starting to ramble because I can’t sleep and I’m anxious and nervous. Money is a huge source of stress for me. I can have a lot of things go wrong and I’m ok but money is a stress factor. It’s not that we need more, I just need to manage it better. I am going to take the refund amount and make a list of things I’m going to pay so I don’t get into the problem I had before by trying to pay too much.

I need me time!

Do you ever have one of those days where nothing is going right? Where no matter how hard you try, you never get to what you need/want to, you never accomplish the one task you set out to do all day?

I’m having one of those days and no matter how hard I try, everyone needs something. My family, my extended family, friends, people online. It’s one of those days where I wish I could be invisible and just have me time.

I love my family but sometimes I feel like I’m being stretched out like a piece of taffy and I might just break.
I’m going to go to bed and try this again tomorrow!

Smog infested lungs et al

Everything went well for my little get together. We had a lot of fun. Crowded but fun. I’ve been trying to think about what to write and I had ideas but I couldn’t because after some rearanging, hubby’s spot is close enough to where he can read what I write so I’ll have to be sneaky about this.

I was in the car the other day waiting at a red light. This guy crosses the street in his little jogging outfit, holding a music gizmo. I’ve seen joggers a lot but it’s always astonished me that these wellness buffs, these people who strive to lead healthy lives jog on the sidewalk near busy streets. Do they not realise that by jogging they are inhaling deeper…not only that, but they are inhaling car exhaust deep deep into their lungs? If you want to run, run in a park, away from the cars, run in the mountain, run indoors on a treadmill! You would think they would know better.

Something else. I am in one of the areas striken by drought. We need rain badly. I was talking to a friend and she was telling me what her pastor had said. Apparently, there is no rain because we, as Christians, aren’t praying enough.

Excuse me? I think the weather being all weird: rain where it doesn’t usually rain, drought where it usually rains, earthquakes, so many hurricanes, are all signs of the times. Jesus is coming soon. When? I don’t know but I’ll see Him coming for me I don’t know why people spend so much time and breath debating when Jesus is coming back. We don’t know. The Bible says no one knows. Only God knows. Pre-trib, mid-trib, post-trib, who knows! I hope it’s pre-trib cause I don’t want to be here when tribulation happens. I’m just sitting on the fence waiting for my Shepherd to come and get me!

Company…YAY….not…

Well, on Saturday, about 15 people are coming over. Shoot me now. I’m trying to scramble to get everyting cleaned and in order and all that jazz. I feel that my home is a reflection of what they will think of me, not to mention, I haven’t ever had that many people in my place. Good thing I don’t have to cook, then I would really be flipping out. I’m putting up curtains, DEEP cleaning, organising….dusting, vaccuming..putting up paintings…UGH!

*scramble*

Not to mention, everything gets undone as fast as I do it…

General Ughness!

Well apparently I have some kind of inner ear infection. Viral, of course, which means that they can’t do anything. Great! I get to feel “off” for a while.

I’m so tired and exhausted.

I’m a little peeved to. Why is it that husband’s feet always seem to be broken? I don’t get it. I woke up groggy from a nap the other night, I wasn’t even walking straight and he was up and alert and awake and had the nerve to ask me to get him a glass of water. Couldn’t he see that I couldn’t even walk straight? I kept hitting the walls. Geez. Then I whined..yeah, I did whine but he got mad. Grrr! I am SO tired when I come home and he plants his butt somewhere and that’s it. He doesn’t move unless he has to use the bathroom.

I’m a little irritated. I go to the store, I do ALL the cleaning, I take out the trash, I do everything and he can’t get a glass of water. *sigh*

am i? probably not..as always.

I wonder if I’m pregnant. After 4 years of trying, I’ve given up but deep down I’m hoping I am. I try not to get my hopes up because I bet I’m not and I’m setting myself up for disappointment…yet again.

I’m so frustrated with this whole thing. Our first kiddo wasn’t planned and now that we are planning for one, it’s just not happening. Actually scratch that, I’m not frustrated, I’m numb to it all.

How many tests have I taken? Too many.

The thing that makes it worse for me is that I’m irregular. There is no telling, I have no way to really now or calculate anything. I can go a whole year without my period.

*sigh* I just want to cry. I would adopt but the steps are just too huge and costs too much.

I know it’s in God’s hands and timing but I want another baby so badly, why would I have this desire? If it’s not meant to be, I want these desires to go away.

Merry Christmas vs Happy Holidays

I haven’t posted in a while because “life” has kept me busy but I wanted to put my 2cents in on the Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas thing. I’ve been getting a lot of emails about how it’s not a holiday tree, it’s a christmas tree, etc…
Yes, I am Christian. Yes, I believe in Christ and that Christmas is the celebration of Jesus’ birth (yes i know, He wasn’t really born on Christmas).

I will say Merry Christmas to people because that’s what I believe in but I don’t understand why people get all bent out of shape because when you go to stores, they tell you Happy Holidays. I’m sorry, I don’t expect someone who doesn’t believe what I do to wish me a Merry Christmas. Usually the stores prefer Happy Holidays because Christmas is not the only holiday celebrated at that time.

Why do people take things to the extreme like this? I think it makes Christians look really bad. I mean do we see others get in a tiff because we don’t wish them their happy whateverholiday?

I don’t see where saying Happy Holidays is disrespectful. On the contrary. Not everyone celebrates Christmas. At least by saying Happy Holidays, you encompass all the holidays.
So Merry Christmas to all you Christians, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, and Enjoy your holidays to the others