Sometimes I wonder why I can’t be blessed like other people I know. It really bothers me that my parents could buy me a house but won’t. That just really really bothers me.
They go off for months and months at a time and travel and I’m here. If it were me, I would totally buy my child a house and whatever else s/he wanted. Isn’t that what parents do? My kid has so many things and we do so much with him/her. I just don’t understand.
I guess I’m jealous really. I’m stuck here living in fear that I’m going to be told to get rid of my illegal animals. I have too many in case you’re wondering. I have 4 cats, 6 birds and 1 rabbit. All the cats were strays. All but one bird were rescued. And yes, my house is clean. I vacuum every single day.
If that happened, I would have no where to go and I can’t give them up. I need to get out of here but I can’t. We have no money in savings, can’t afford more than our rent and we’d have to move to a crappy school district and dangerous area to keep the same rent/mortgage level.
Another thing that bothers me is that I have tried so hard to make extra money and nothing has worked. Why do people create crappy websites and other people pay for it? I’ve had my site up for 10 years and not a single person has donated and I get a lot of hits on some tutorials. I run a game server, no one has donated anything.
I do cleaning, cooking, laundry, I volunteer at a few places, I’m always helping friends. I co-run a huge site (5000+ users) and do everything for that message board, game server. I feel like I give and give and give. I can’t keep going on like this. You know, the Bible says that when you bless someone, you get it back 7 fold. I’m waiting Lord..and I’m ready for my 7 fold. I never give thinking “great, when this comes back to me, it will be 7 times this”.
I know I’m not perfect and there are some things I do that I shouldn’t but I’m working on that. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose.
I’m swimming upstream and I’m tired Lord. When does it get better?
My sweet friend, I am one that failed. I too was married to a minister. I gave to everyone and had the same thoughts you do. I have been told that God never gives you more than you can handle. So than why couldn’t I handle it anymore. I was tired, oh so very tired. I had nothing left to give. I have now remarried, attend school and take care of my husband and baby. I lost much though, I have 3 other children who, may agree with my dicision to leave their father, but decided to live with him. (By the way he is a blazing alcoholic and no longer carries a ministerial license.) My only advice is this; you are crying out for help and though I am now far from the “truth” I offer this. Where does your help come from? It is time for you to stop giving so much of yourself (because God isn’t asking that of you or you wouldn’t feel the way you do) and run to your strong tower and be safe. Even warriors need rest. It is time for you to emerse yourself in His holy love and get rejuvenated. Don’t give up, just rest and truely be His child for a while. Climb up into your Father’s lap and rest in Him. He will tell you when it is time to go and do “His” work and not the work “you” think He wants you to do.